I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
