My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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