recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
