How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Still dying that you shit outside
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
