1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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