who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
