Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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