I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
