Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
