I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
