I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize