My sheets look like a crime scene.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize