Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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