I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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