Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
