Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
