plz talk dirty to me
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
