I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
