Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
