Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
