So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
