I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
