why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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