I wish I only lived at night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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