yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
