I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
