I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
