All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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