I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
