she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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