I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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