i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
