I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
