hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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