does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
