I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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