I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
