I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
