well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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