I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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