woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
