Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
