You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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