Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Buhtt sex?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
