Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
