every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
