I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
