i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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