im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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