JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
