so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
