matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
