Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
