I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
