You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
