It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
