did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
