don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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