I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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