i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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