so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
