i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
