I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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