Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
