i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
