I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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