It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
