I smell stomach acid.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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