my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
