I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
